Not That Kind of Partner
by Like A Perfect Rhyme
Summary: Directly post-series, Bobby continues his therapy sessions and begins to move forward in his relationship with Alex. I tried to stay as true as possible as to how I thought the story would go.
1. He Was A Good Man

**Author's Note** : Hope you guys like this story! Bobby's therapy sessions with Dr. Gyson are one of my favorite parts of the series, and there were a few things I felt still needed to be explored at the end of the show. This is my attempt at doing so.

 **Disclaimer** : Characters not mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

" **He Was A Good Man"**

Bobby Goren was sitting in Dr. Paula Gyson's office, peering hazily at a flourishing Christmas cactus on the small table in front of the chair he was occupying. It must be a new addition – he didn't remember it being here last week. He absently played with its stem-like leaves as his mind wandered through the case he'd closed only an hour before.

There had been a lightness and ease between him and his partner as they'd trudged through the papers, which was definitely not warranted given the crime's gruesome nature. Bobby had felt more alive than he had in ages, since his memory served him. He and Alex hadn't stopped smiling at each other for a week straight, to the point where it had caused the feds (who tried to claim jurisdiction) to question them about their alibis.

 _Alex_ , he thought with a small smile. It still felt nice to say that.

Suddenly the door creaked and he jolted out of his stupor, automatically standing up to see his therapist standing in the doorway carefully balancing two cups of water. (Was she _his_ therapist? He didn't know. But the fact that he was even pondering that question seemed to prove something was working in these counseling sessions).

He took one of the cups with a small smile, a nod and a quick "thanks".

She smiled at him and gestured at the chair next to him as she sat in her own.

"So," she started, grabbing her notebook and pen from the table as Bobby fidgeted with his collar. "Welcome to your first non-mandated session."

He let out a small chuckle.

"I have to say I wasn't sure you'd come. But I'm glad you did."

Bobby didn't quite know what to say so he resumed his examination of the cactus.

"I hope you don't mind if I take notes."

"Uh, not at all," Bobby said. After a beat, he continued, "I thought about what you said last time. It was very…helpful."

"Oh? Which part?" she countered, pen at the ready.

"Uh…" he started, rubbing the back of his neck, "you told me I should be more than my job. That…that it's served me, and protected me, but that I…am something without it."

"And how did you find that was helpful?"

"I'm…I'm sorry, _how_?"

"Yes. Was there something in particular you were able to gain from that perspective?"

Bobby opened his mouth for a moment but then closed it and dropped his gaze. He turned towards the window and allowed the rays of sunlight shining in to cover his face for a minute while he procured the right words.

"It was just a feeling. I felt… _light_." He laughed nervously at the last word, as though worried he would sound foolish. He turned his gaze back in Paula's direction. She was looking at him intently.

"You felt unburdened?" She scribbled something on her paper.

"I guess…"

"Do you think there was anything in particular that's been burdening you?" When he didn't answer, she continued, "We've talked about your father, your mother, your brother…is there anything else?"

Bobby paused for a moment, wondering how he was supposed to lie his way out of this one. But his lips betrayed his mind, and despite himself he began to talk – quickly, with words he wasn't aware were waiting to be released.

"My former captain, he…he was killed a couple years ago going undercover with the FBI. I always wondered if…" His sentence trailed off into a sigh.

"Right, I remember reading about that." Paula looked at him with an unsympathetic sort of sympathy. "You wondered if you were responsible for his death? Why?"

"We were investigating, uh, what he was working on and he got shot. I wondered at the time, but Alex, uh, Eames – my partner – she told me she, uh, didn't have time for me to beat myself up over it."

He was staring down at his hands wearing the same smile he hadn't been able to contain every time he thought of her.

"That must've been horrible. Did you listen to her advice?"

He chuckled weakly and shook his head.

"I must've lost it. I tried to go undercover and…avenge him. Make the feds pay for their carelessness. But, I was probably the one who was careless." He looked up. "And then I'm sure you know what happened…well, how I ended up here."

When Paula didn't respond he continued.

"He was a good man, a good captain. I trusted him, and he fought for me. He always fought for me." Bobby drew a ragged breath. "He had two young sons. Good kids. It should never have happened."

He rested his head in his hands for a moment, to block out the sunlight, as though it was indecent to allow its warmth to fill him. He knew this pain was something he might never get used to.

"Have you talked about it with anyone in the past? Your partner?"

"Uh…" he began slowly. "It was easier not to…you know."

She gave him a knowingly sad smile.

"Your partner. How do you usually address each other?"

"What?" he said, caught off guard.

"First names? Last names? I noticed you called her 'Alex' earlier and quickly corrected yourself."

"How do you know I corrected myself?" Bobby was suddenly defensive. "Maybe I was just trying to clarify who I was talking about."

"I got the feeling from our past conversations that you've had a tendency to view her only in terms of her professional relationship with you. I was curious when you referred to her by her first name."

"Well…" said Bobby, still a bit flustered, "she's called me 'Bobby' for as long as I can remember. Maybe at the beginning she called me 'Goren', I don't know. Uh, I've always called her 'Eames', you know, she's senior partner. It's respect. Second-nature."

"Even outside of a professional environment?" Paula questioned.

"I guess? I don't know…I never really thought about it." He was still shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

"But something's changed recently?"

She was looking at him with the same gaze he often used on a suspect he was trying to rattle a reluctant truth out of – he found it incredibly unnerving, and to his frustration, very effective.

"Maybe? Look, do we have to uh, talk about…this?"

"Why do you think it makes you feel disconcerted to discuss your partner?"

"It doesn't make me feel _disconcerted_ , you're just asking things that…I don't see the _relevance_ …why it _matters_ …" He was getting irritated and as the volume of his voice rose she cut through swiftly.

"I'm trying to understand why talking about her makes you feel defensive. That's all."

"Because I don't know how I feel about her!" He was barely aware of the words coming out of his mouth. "Look…she's…I don't know what she is. You were right before. I hadn't ever thought about it, because she was always…my superior, my partner, someone I had to protect from myself…and now? I don't know if I want to think about it – much less _talk_ about it with someone who wants me to analyze everything and give some sort of definitive answer! But…it's just not that simple." He exhaled, heart pounding.

Paula's next words threw him even more.

"Do you think I could talk to her?"

"I…what?"

"With her permission of course. And yours."

"I'm sorry, you want to talk to Eames? To…to Alex? What, I'm not giving you the answers you want so you're just going to bypass me and try to shake the _truth_ or whatever the hell you're looking for out of her?!"

His voice was rising again. Her voice remained completely even.

"Your relationship with her is the most important relationship in your life. I want to help you with this Robert. It would be helpful for me to understand it better if I could hear some of her thoughts…"

"Wha…this isn't some sort of couple's counseling! You can't just _ask_ her about me…"

"I don't have to ask her about you. I won't, if you don't want me to. But I think for me to help you, it's important that I learn more about the people closest to you."

Bobby considered her for a moment.

"What if I don't want your help on this?"

"You came here. You knew you didn't have to do that. You chose to take a step in the right direction. All I'm asking is that you let me in. Let me take this journey with you."

He had stopped pacing and sat back down, though his face was still etched with the lines of worry and indignation.

"Fine. You can…you can ask her. She might not say yes, but…"

"That's okay." Paula was smiling. "Now of course, you know nothing you've told me in these sessions will be repeated to her, and the same goes the other way."

"Yeah, I know." Bobby still felt unsettled. He hoped Alex wasn't waiting for him outside like last time – he wasn't sure he could handle seeing her right now.

"Great! Then I'll have my office give her a call. You don't have to mention anything to her."

A curt "good" was all he could muster in return.

"Until next time then?" Paula stood up, indicating he should too.

"Yeah, okay." He gave her a small nod and walked towards the door she was holding open. Before leaving he paused for a moment.

"You can ask her about me. If you want."

Paula gave a rather knowing smile.

"Alright Robert. See you next week."

He left without looking back.


	2. I Know You're Not Blind

**Author's Note** : I'm so excited people are liking the story and that people other than myself (and my parents) still like this show and its characters after all these years! I've actually written most of this story but will try to space out the release of the chapters a little bit to make it more fun :)

 **Disclaimer** : Characters not mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

" **I Know You're Not Blind"**

When Bobby showed up for work the next morning his captain told him that Eames had taken a few days off to be with her family. He felt a mixture of relief and disappointment fill him. He managed to keep himself busy and dwelled a bit too much on whether Dr. Gyson had reached her yet.

 _Probably not_ , he thought. _If she's out of town she probably hasn't checked her messages_.

 _But maybe she has_ , another voice countered, _after all, Gyson must've called her on her work phone, and she has to answer that_ …

Coming to no consensus, Bobby slept restlessly that night. He dreamed Alex was telling Dr. Gyson (who was morphing into Nicole Wallace) about his real father, who was a serial killer…Declan…who was standing over a dead Captain Ross whispering "you're free now Bobby"…Rodgers was crying over him and as Bobby ran to her Ross' body morphed into Frank's, and he was suddenly in a graveyard, his mother's gravestone in front of him, but the name engraved read "Alexandra Eames"…

He woke suddenly, gasping for breath and sweating profusely. It took a good minute for his heart to stop pounding and he reached for the glass of water on the table to his left. He supposed he should analyze his dream – Dr. Gyson would probably want him to – but the images were so raw in his mind that he wasn't sure he could think about it rationally. Nevertheless, he felt he should try – so he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

He knew of course that it was all stemming from his obsession about whether Alex would talk to Dr. Gyson, and what she would say about him. It was eating him up a bit that he hadn't been honest with her about his father, or about Declan…he supposed he had dreamed Declan _was_ his father because he was the closest thing he'd ever really had to one – _and after all_ , he thought as his stomach gave a lurch, _they both were killers_.

He still thought about Ross, and Frank and his mom (and Nicole) a lot, despite Declan apparently thinking the way to improve Bobby's life was by getting rid of those he cared about. And Eames – _Alex –_ he thought desperately, was the only person he had left, and without who he had no reason to live at all…he couldn't even force his mind to analyze that part of the dream. He knew what it meant all too well.

That moment he was distracted by a beep of his phone – he picked it up to find a message from Alex.

" _Sorry if this wakes you but I couldn't sleep – my brother-in-law's snoring couldn't be masked by an entire circus. Been having a nice time catching up with my sister and nephew – dad's being a pain in the ass of course ;). Hope nothing too exciting is going on there without me. See you in a couple days."_

Bobby's heart stopped racing and his breathing slowed as he read her words. Exhaling, he hit the reply button and wrote:

" _You didn't wake me. Tell everyone there hi from me. Hannah's not the most entertaining company."_

As he typed the last part, one of Captain Ross' dryly sarcastic remarks echoed through his mind causing his heart to squeeze and his eyes to sting. He clicked "send", and set his phone back down on the nightstand, praying sleep would come soon.

* * *

Captain Hannah called in the morning to tell Bobby to take the day, which made him feel oddly restless and anxious. He wasn't quite sure what to do with himself – he had to admit Dr. Gyson did have a point when she said Bobby didn't know how to exist outside of his job, but he figured this was as good a time as any to learn.

He decided to give Logan a call. They hadn't seen each other since Ross' funeral* and Bobby was curious how he was doing. The phone only rang once before a familiar voice picked up.

"Logan."

"Hey Logan? It's Goren…"

"Goren? He-hey!" Logan's laugh echoed through the other end of the line. "Long time, no talk."

"I was wondering if you were in town, and wanted to grab a bite, or a drink or something."

"Sure thing, what have I got to do?"

Bobby laughed.

"Alright. One o'clock good?"

"Perfect."

"You got a location suggestion?"

"Is that old diner we all used to go out to after work still open? I remember they made a mean cappuccino, plus they had a wet bar."

Bobby heard Mike chuckle.

"Uh, I think so," he replied.

"Great. So I'll see you there and then."

"See you soon." Bobby closed his phone and grabbed his keys.

* * *

The diner was crowded but Bobby immediately recognized the head of salt-and-pepper hair sitting in the corner booth and sipping on a cappuccino. He clapped him on the shoulder.

"Mike."

"Hey Bobby." Logan looked up. "Have a seat," he said, gesturing to the other side of the booth. "It's been awhile."

"Yeah, well," Bobby answered with a chuckle, "I'm sure we've both been busy."

"Busy, hey," Mike gestured around himself. "I'm doing security now, every day is like a vacation – except for the assholes. And what about you? Heard you got chucked out, what was that about?"

"Yeah, well, I did but I'm back now." Bobby almost mentioned how part of him getting reinstated had been required shrink sessions – he knew Mike would appreciate the struggle – but somehow it just didn't feel right.

"How're you getting along with the new captain?" Mike had a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh you know…" Bobby trailed. "He's no Deakins…or Ross." They looked at each other for a brief moment.

"Yeah, well, nobody could be." Mike shook his head as he stared down at the menu.

Bobby examined his hands, feeling slightly uncomfortable, as he always seemed to when Ross was mentioned.

"Well how about you?" Bobby broke the silence. "How's life treating you?"

Mike closed the menu, looked up and shrugged.

"Can't complain. Decent hours, decent pay, decent girlfriend…" he cackled and punched Bobby lightly in the shoulder. "How 'bout you? Any girls in the picture?"

Bobby laughed nervously.

"Me? Nah…the last few years have been pretty, well, not exactly _conducive_ to dating. You know, one thing after another, just…" Bobby trailed off.

"Ah, you'll find someone. How's Eames doing by the way?"

Bobby felt color rise to his cheeks, though he wasn't sure why. When he spoke his voice shook a bit.

"Oh, good, I think. She's spending some time with family."

"You know, I always thought she had a thing for you." Mike was smirking.

"Wha – what?" Bobby said a little too quickly.

"She must've – all that crap you put her through and she never left you."

"Yeah, well she's a good partner. Loyal." Bobby was starting to wonder whether he couldn't have any contact with the outside world without someone bringing up his and Alex's relationship.

"If you say so…" Mike flashed him a knowing grin.

Before Bobby had fully worked out what had just happened and how to respond, a waitress set a latte in front of Mike, who was now pointing her to the sandwich he wanted.

"And for you?" the waitress turned to Bobby.

"Uh, same," Bobby said, despite the fact that he didn't even know what he was ordering. He was feeling flustered as she left, hoping Mike was done with the subject of Eames.

For a moment they were both quiet, then Mike leaned in.

"You're telling me you never thought about…you know? _Really?_ "

"What are you talking about?" Bobby asked, frowning.

"With Eames! I know you're not blind."

Bobby just stared at Mike. He was feeling way too many things at once that it was hard to figure out which emotion to express.

"Come on," Mike continued, "you were right there with her, all those years…"

"I…we're just friends. Partners, I mean. We've been through a lot together." Why did he feel like he was having déjà vu of his counseling session?

"I know you can't _act_ on it since you're partners, but you can't really mean it has never even crossed your mind…" Bobby stared at Mike.

"No, it hasn't."

Mike shrugged.

"Well, I tell ya, you must be stronger than I am. If we hadn't worked together…Barek, or even Wheeler…you never know."

The conversation was going further and further down a path Bobby had no interest in following. He breathed a sigh of relief when their sandwiches finally arrived and the conversation shifted to sports and swapping old case stories.

Bobby couldn't seem to shake the weird feeling from that morning. He felt it on the subway ride home, as he walked into his apartment, and as he ran the usual errands. He found himself wondering if it was completely abnormal that he had never been attracted to Eames in that way. That he'd never even _considered_ it, when it seemed everyone else had and assumed he would have too. He wondered where Eames stood in all of this – if it was so strange for him to not have ever looked at her romantically, does that mean she'd looked at him that way?

He suddenly felt very self-conscious. He wondered whether Alex had gotten the call from Dr. Gyson yet, and whether she'd already said no. The thought made his chest tighten. What was wrong with him? Was he actually hoping she'd say yes? That she'd talk to his shrink about him, and that she would tell him what Alex said, like they were in junior high? It was ridiculous, he thought to himself. _Ridiculous_.

* * *

*I realize Logan was not shown to be at Ross' funeral, but it seems reasonable that he would have come to pay his condolences.


	3. If It'll Shut You Up

**Author's Note** : Thank you for reading and reviewing! Your points about Bobby not thinking of Dr. Gyson by her first name (directly, at least) make sense I think, and I've revised the last chapter a bit to reflect that.

 **Disclaimer** : Characters not mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 3**

" **If It'll Shut You Up"**

Two days later, Alex was back at work. No one had called them out to a case yet, so she and Bobby were taking it easy and trying to organize some old files at their desks. Bobby had spent the morning feeling agitated, wondering whether Dr. Gyson had called her and if so, what she'd said. He supposed that agitation was making him appear rather jumpy, because she kept eyeing him suspiciously over the piles of paper.

Each time he convinced himself that he'd worked up the nerve to ask her about the call, some invisible force seemed to grab ahold of his tongue and force his words back down his throat. Bobby imagined that if Nichols were still here, he'd have explained that this vexing problem was merely his superego repressing some basic desire of his subconscious. But was wondering whether Dr. Gyson had called Alex really a base desire? (Also, it seemed to be a very conscious desire at that. Psychoanalysis could really only take you so far.)

Alex, for her part, was highly aware of Bobby's unusual silence throughout the day, as well as the fact that he was frequently looking up at her, leaning forward and opening his mouth as though to say something, only to drop his gaze back down to the papers in front of him a few moments later.

At first she resorted to a passive but simpering side-eye glare, hoping that would get his attention enough for him to spit out whatever was bothering him, and when that didn't work she switched to staring right at him and giving him an emphatic " _Bobby!_ ", to which he only responded "Mmm" and read some information to her off an old file.

Finally she got so fed up with him that when he announced he was going to get coffee in the break room, she jumped up and followed him in a fury. Alex grabbed Bobby by the shirtsleeve, almost causing him to drop the cup full of hot liquid he was holding.

"What is _wrong_ with you?" she hissed.

"What?" He sounded both confused and defensive.

"You know what. You've barely said a word all day, you keep looking at me like you're about to say something but then you don't, and every time I look over at you, you look like you're about to jump out of your skin."

"It's nothing," he deflected.

"Don't even _think_ about trying that with me."

Bobby looked right at Alex and sighed, then rubbed the back of his neck while looking down – one of the most obvious tells that he was nervous or stressed. He took a deep breath before speaking.

"Did you happen to get a call this weekend? From…from…Dr. Gyson?" Bobby could feel beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

Alex frowned.

"Well yeah, I got a message from her office saying they wanted me to call them back. But I have no idea what for. I figured it's some departmental thing, but who knows."

"Oh," Bobby said simply.

"Why?" Alex said suspiciously, "do you know what it's about?"

Bobby looked at her nervously.

"I…maybe. Are you going to…I mean do you think you will…uh, call her back?"

"Well I suppose I'll have to." Alex was looking at him warily. "What's it to you?"

"Uh, nothing. Nothing, really. It's funny, I just…um, if you wanted to call her back then, well I…uh…that might be good."

"Bobby, what is going _on_ with you?"

"I'm still seeing her," he said suddenly. "For, uh, therapy. Dr. Gyson. I'm still seeing her."

"But I thought last week was your last session?"

"It was, but she, uh – _recommended_ – you know, that I keep seeing her."

Alex looked up at him for a moment, trying to put the puzzle pieces together.

"Okay. Well that's good then. If it's helping, it's good you'll keep going."

"Yeah," Bobby said simply, though he was still looking at her rather disconcertedly.

Alex had a sudden thought.

"Did she call because of something about you?"

Bobby was sweating profusely now.

"I…I don't think I should…just, tell me you'll call her back tonight. Or later today, I mean." He gave a short, nervous laugh.

"Okay…" Alex said slowly, still confused as to why anything to do with Bobby's therapist should cause him such severe anxiety.

"Great. Hey, uh, I think I might go home now then. I'll see you tomorrow."

And with that, he abruptly left the room, gathered his things and walked out.

"Okay, _bye_ ," Alex muttered in a sardonic tone at his shadow, her mind spinning with questions.

* * *

As she walked into work the next morning, it was Alex's turn to feel unsettled. She'd called back Dr. Gyson's office soon after Bobby's abrupt departure the previous afternoon, and had been informed that she would like _Alex_ to come in to talk. She had said she thought it would help her better in her sessions with Bobby, and that Alex should let her know by the end of the week whether it was something she was up for.

After she got over the initial shock of what she had been asked to do (she didn't think it was common practice for a detective to be brought into counseling to talk about their partner), Alex found herself in two minds.

She wanted to help out Bobby, but she really hated therapists and didn't see how talking to one was going to make anything better. There was even a chance it might make things worse. She caught herself wondering why this was even happening – was Dr. Gyson just an unorthodox shrink? Was there something concerning Bobby had told her about his partner that she felt the need to check up on?

These thoughts plagued her all the way to her desk, across from which Bobby was already sitting, engrossed in the filing they'd started on yesterday. As she laid her belongings down he looked up at her and their eyes met.

One look between them and she knew he knew that she knew about why Dr. Gyson had called. And he knew she knew this. But because he was Robert Goren, he would never leave it at that – which she knew.

"So…" he began tentatively, "did you call Dr. Gyson?"

"Uh, yeah, I did." Her face was impassive.

"What do you think?"

"Honestly? I don't know."

"Yeah. Well, tell me when you decide." Bobby gave her a small smile and went back to filing.

 _If only that had been the end of it_ , Alex thought longingly a couple of hours later.

Slowly, throughout the day, Bobby had begun questioning her about what she was going to do. What had started as an innocuous comment in the break room or between filings soon became a full-fledged interrogation. After a few hours, Bobby finally seemed to realize that she genuinely didn't know what she should do, and he began bombarding her with a monologue of dissuasion.

"I don't know why she wants to talk to you. You shouldn't do it, she's just trying to go behind my back or something and she's way out of line…"

Alex smiled vaguely as she examined the paperwork in front of her, only half-listening to Bobby's ramblings.

"It shouldn't even be allowed to do something like that, you know? I mean, where does she get off? Who does she think she is that she can just _ask_ you to talk to her and make you feel guilty if you don't?"

Alex had stopped shuffling her papers and looked up at Bobby in a calculating sort of way, squinting her eyes to read him clearer. Realization had just dawned on her.

"What?" he gazed back, nonplussed.

"You want me to talk to her, don't you?" She stared at his face intently as she leaned forward.

"What?! No! Of course not, I mean, the whole thing is ridiculous, I can't believe…" Bobby's voice petered out, caught in a lie. He held his breath for a moment, afraid of what might come next and bracing himself for anger or mockery.

Instead, Alex sat back in her chair, shrugged her shoulders and said, "alright, what the hell."

"Really?" he looked up at her tentatively.

"If it'll shut you up," she deadpanned, though Bobby still looked unconvinced. " _Really_ ," she confirmed in a softer tone, smiling wide.

The corners of his mouth twitched as he exhaled with perplexed relief.

Bobby was confused. He was confused why she would agree to this when he knew how worthless she felt shrinks were. He was confused why he cared so much whether she went or not. Confused why he wanted her to go. But there was a feeling in his gut – the same light-heartedness he'd felt all last week – that told him that this was good; so he smiled and didn't question it.

* * *

Alex called back Dr. Gyson later that day to set up a time to meet. Even as she made the call, apprehension washed over her. But it was too late to go back on her word now, especially knowing how much it meant to her partner that she do this. Dr. Gyson had asked her if she'd be willing to meet before her next session with Bobby.

"So that basically leaves tomorrow." Alex explained, relaying Dr. Gyson's request to Bobby. "I told her that was fine. Anyway, an hour of relentless probing into my feelings won't be any more pleasant a couple weeks from now."

Bobby smiled weakly.

"Sorry", she added suddenly. "I didn't mean to…I'm glad you're getting support. And I _am_ glad to help you." She flashed him a genuine smile, hoping he hadn't thought she was taking a dig at him.

It was a weird and uncomfortable place, trying to resolve her mistrust of shrinks with the idea that one may actually be helping her partner. She supposed she'd have to watch her mouth a bit more so as not to come off as callous or unsupportive. Sighing deeply, Alex wondered what she'd gotten herself into.


	4. Do You Love Him?

**Author's Note** : Thanks for the reviews!

 **Disclaimer** : Characters not mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 4**

" **Do You Love Him?"**

The next day, despite feeling less than prepared, Alex was walking down a long hallway to a door with a plaque on it that read DR. PAULA GYSON, PHD. The door was slightly ajar and as she knocked lightly it creaked open. A brunette, middle-aged woman rose from the chair she had been occupying and greeted Alex with a wide smile.

"Hi, I'm Paula Gyson," the woman said as she reached out her hand.

Alex shook it hesitantly.

"Alex Eames."

"I'm glad you decided to come."

"Uh, yeah." She wasn't quite sure of what came next. "Should I sit on the couch, or…?"

"Oh, over there will be fine." Dr. Gyson gestured toward the chair opposite her as she closed the door and took her own seat. "So," she said, "before we begin I should probably tell you why I wanted to talk to you."

Alex felt unsure of what to say, as she was fairly certain they'd already covered that on the phone. She looked over the small cactus sitting on the table in front of her – it looked like it was beginning to flower.

"As you may know, I've been talking to your partner, Robert, for a decent amount of time now, and it's come to my attention that I can better serve him by getting a clearer picture of the people around him, their relationships with him and their perceptions of him. It always helps to have another perspective. I'm sure you know that."

Alex nodded slowly.

"So, first of all," Dr. Gyson continued, "tell me a little bit about your partnership with him."

"Uh, well, we've been partners for about eleven years and…we've been through a lot together." The words came out sounding heavier than Alex was expecting.

"Can you describe 'a lot'?" Dr. Gyson asked, pen at the ready.

"Um, just with our job, and personal trials, that sort of thing."

"Could you be more specific?"

"Uh…" Alex was trying desperately not to break the eggshells she was walking on. "He had to deal with a lot, with his mom and brother and mentor, you know."

"His mentor?"

"Oh…did he not tell you about that?" _Crack_ , she thought, slightly panicking. "Or, is that confidential?" Alex held her breath, waiting to see how far down the hole she'd fallen, and whether she could dig herself out.

Dr. Gyson looked at her for a moment.

"Well, it might be, except he's never mentioned a mentor."

Alex could see where this was going and was desperate to change the course.

"I don't really feel comfortable talking about parts of his life he hasn't chosen to discuss yet."

"That's fine," Dr. Gyson replied, smiling. "I didn't call you in here to talk about his life anyway. I'm more interested to know about how you view your relationship with him – and also I'd like to get to know you a bit."

Alex shifted awkwardly in her seat. She didn't feel like she was making much headway with keeping an open mind about shrinks, and though she truly was glad Bobby was getting support if he needed it, it took all of her willpower to not mutter the snarky retorts that were fighting their way to the tip of her tongue. She took a sip of the water in front of her in an attempt to swallow her thoughts.

"I was wondering if we could talk about your husband."

Alex almost choked on her water.

"Uh…what about him?" she asked, eyeing Dr. Gyson warily. She wasn't sure what Bobby had said, and she was seriously starting to regret agreeing to come in the first place. This was all starting to give her flashbacks of her last stint in therapy, after she'd been kidnapped. There, she'd just said what the doctor wanted to hear until she was allowed to go back to work, but now? _Everything I say affects Bobby_ , she thought, _and everything he's said affects me_. It was a precarious position to be in.

"He was a policeman, and he was killed on duty, is that correct?" asked Dr. Gyson.

"Um, yeah."

"How long ago did it happen?"

"Uh, I guess around thirteen years ago now."

"And how long had you been married?"

"About three years, but we'd known each other longer than that."

"When this all happened, how did you handle it? Did you talk to anyone?"

"Um…" Alex furrowed her brow. _Did Bobby tell her about that too? Or was she asking if she'd talked to a therapist?_ She was nervous about how much to let on. "Not well," she continued, "it's a hard time in a person's life…I felt like I didn't really belong in his world – our world – anymore, and all I was left with was my work."

"Mmhmm." Dr. Gyson looked at her, but didn't elaborate, so Alex continued.

"It was a couple years before I came to Major Case, and I became close to someone I thought was my only friend. Though it later turned out that was an ill-advised decision." Alex figured that was enough to see just how much she knew.

"Can you elaborate?"

"Has Bobby not told you?" she asked cautiously.

"Told me what?"

 _Oh boy,_ Alex thought. _Here we go_.

"I spent weeks – months – talking to an attorney who was working on a case with me at the time, and who I probably would've, uh…become more than friends with…if the case hadn't gotten so messy. We crossed paths again a few years ago and I found out that he had forged evidence in the original trial and then killed someone to try and bring me down. He was… _upset_ …that I was promoted but his career as a prosecutor was over."

"He _killed_ someone to sabotage your career?" She sounded incredulous, and Alex gave a weak laugh.

"I know it's hard to believe. I'm still not sure myself sometimes."

Dr. Gyson looked pensive.

"If you don't mind my asking, have there been other men in the picture since your husband? Besides this man."

"Uh," Alex began, "on occasion, but nothing too serious."

"Mmm," Dr. Gyson responded, scribbling something on her notepad.

"You know, with this job, in Major Case…no one really has time for relationships," Alex said, suddenly feeling compelled to explain her lack of a love life. "You have to be a hundred percent dedicated to your job. Almost all of the detectives who have worked in our squad have been unmarried. There's just no time for a family life. And I knew that going in – part of the reason I was so eager to accept the promotion at the time was because after Joe died, I needed something that could be my sole focus, so I wouldn't have time to… _dwell_."

"Do you still feel that way?" asked Dr. Gyson, tilting her head slightly. "Do you still feel like you need your job to be that kind of overwhelming presence in your life?"

"Well, I mean…there are other reasons for staying now."

"Your partner," deduced Dr. Gyson.

"Yes…and also the way he looks at life, at his job…at everything – it's given me a different perspective from what I believed before."

"Can you elaborate?"

"Um…just that being Bobby's partner, going through everything with him…it's made me really believe that there are always two sides to every story, and to try and never jump to conclusions about people or situations. And that reality and truth are more complex and layered than I ever could have imagined."

Alex was trying hard to be vague enough so as to not accidentally mention something to Dr. Gyson that Bobby had not, while giving her enough to find whatever it was that she was looking for. Thankfully, this time Dr. Gyson did not ask her to be more specific, and instead changed course.

"How would you describe your relationship with your partner?"

"Uh, well, I have a great deal of respect for him as both a professional and as a person. I admire his abilities – we work very well together. I've grown to realize that he's everything I would hope for in a partner." Alex paused. "In an, uh, _detective_ partner," she added rather unnecessarily, as Dr. Gyson eyed her somewhat suspiciously.

"What do you think has kept you by his side all of these years? I'm sure you've had to turn down quite a few promotions and more exciting job opportunities."

Alex shrugged.

"At some point I decided I wasn't really interested in whatever else was out there. My job was exciting enough, and I began to relish the stability. I didn't want to do my job if he wasn't a part of it. I would rather have quit than be forced to do it without him. Which I actually did, for a time."

"You quit?"

"Yes, after I was promoted to Interim Captain just long enough to fire Bobby."

"Did you know you were going to quit beforehand? Had you planned it out?"

"I knew in my gut I'd never stay without Bobby. But it wasn't something I'd particularly prepared for."

"What do you think makes you so loyal to him?"

"I…don't know."

Dr. Gyson gave Alex what she felt was a rather patronizing look.

"I think you do know, but you're so concerned with saying the 'right' thing that you're denying yourself access to the parts of your mind that are harboring thoughts and feelings that are perhaps more raw and unsettling to explore."

This insinuation rather offended Alex. This _is why I hate shrinks_ , she thought bitterly.

"No, really, I swear that I'm being completely honest." Her tone was sharp and a tad acerbic.

"Did you ever have second thoughts about being Robert's partner?"

"Uh, in the very beginning I did request a new partner – before I came to appreciate Bobby's unique investigative style – but I withdrew that request. I think my doubts would resurface occasionally during the first few years but I never truly thought about leaving him."

"Do you think you feel protective of him? Perhaps because of some of the hardships he's faced or the fact that others don't always understand him or his methods?"

"Well, I don't know if _protective_ is the word. I care about him and he cares about me, it's very symbiotic."

"Have you always felt that way? Has there been a time when you've become frustrated with him, or felt you were pulling more than your fair share?"

Alex couldn't see where this line of questioning was going, and answered wearily.

"I suppose…every partnership goes through some rocky periods, but that's all in the past now."

Dr. Gyson was looking at Alex intently.

"Do you love him?" she asked. Alex felt her heart skip a beat and speed up slightly, but when she spoke, her voice was steady.

"Of course," she answered, "I mean, I don't always think of it in those terms, but it would be ridiculous to say I don't."

Alex saw Dr. Gyson give a small smile and scribble down something in the notepad she was holding. After a few moments she looked back up.

"I find it interesting that you took my question to mean platonic love, or camaraderie."

Alex's stomach gave a jolt and she swallowed hard. Her tongue felt like it had turned into sandpaper.

"Was…was that not what you meant?"

Dr. Gyson just smiled.

"Let's just say it was open-ended on purpose."

Alex wasn't sure what that was supposed to mean, and examined her fingers as she tried to ignore the slightly awkward silence that ensued. Suddenly, Dr. Gyson stood up.

"Well, I think that concludes our session. Thank you for being willing to meet with me."

Alex, taken aback by the abrupt ending, tentatively shook Dr. Gyson's outstretched hand.

"Oh. Uh, sure. No problem."

Dr. Gyson walked her to the door.

"Have a restful evening."

Alex gave a smile that was teetering between forced and genuine.

"I'll try."

The door closed behind Alex and she was left standing in the hallway, trying to make sense of what had just happened.


	5. I Could've Gone Either Way

**Author's Note** : Thank you for reviewing!

 **Disclaimer** : Characters not mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 5**

" **I Could've Gone Either Way"**

The next morning passed with cautious pleasantries and no mention of Alex's meeting with Dr. Gyson. She wasn't sure if she wanted to talk about it or forget it had ever happened. Bobby, feeling rather timid after nagging her about it for so long, didn't want to push her to talk, which led Alex to feel a perplexing mixture of frustration and relief.

Things remained this way throughout the morning until Bobby announced that he was leaving for his appointment, almost said something else, decided against it and walked out the doors.

He was greeted by Dr. Gyson's smile as she gestured to the chair by the window. Taking his usual seat, Bobby began.

"So, uh, how was yesterday?"

Paula smiled as she situated herself in her own chair, grabbing the pen and notepad beside her.

"Great...she's a nice person, I'm glad it worked out."

"Oh…good," was all Bobby seemed to be able to manage.

"I actually wanted to talk to you about something from a few weeks ago." Dr. Gyson crossed her legs and looked at her patient intently. "Do you remember when I asked you whether you loved your partner?"

Bobby felt like someone had dumped a bucket of ice on his head.

"Uh…yeah, I guess." He pulled at his collar nervously – he didn't have any desire to revisit that particular conversation.

"When I asked you, you became defensive. You assumed I meant it romantically – that I was asking whether you were _in love_ with her."

Bobby wasn't sure if she wanted him to confirm this or if she was merely recalling an observation, so he stayed silent, and she continued.

"Why do you think that is?"

It took Bobby a few moments to gather his thoughts on what he felt was a rather odd question.

"Well, because if you hadn't meant "love" as something sexual or romantic, you wouldn't have asked the question."

"And why do you think that?"

"I…" He couldn't finish the thought.

"What if I had wanted to know whether you were capable of expressing your platonic love for her?"

Bobby just stared.

"Well, then, you would've said that! But you went on and on about how it was my _repressed emotions_ about authority figures that kept me from viewing her as anything but a colleague so I mean…why are you asking me this?!"

Dr. Gyson smiled.

"If I asked you if you feel platonic love for your partner, what would you say?"

Bobby looked anguished.

"I mean, yeah, of course I…you know… _love_ her." He felt his stomach do a backflip as he said those words aloud.

She eyed him keenly.

"That's hard for you to say, isn't it?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" He was getting defensive again.

"You know, I've noticed you have a tendency to push the conversation outward and away from yourself. Whenever I ask a personal question, you deflect and make a statement about people in general or what angle I must be trying to get you to play to. Why do you think that is?"

Bobby was taken off guard by the sudden change of topic.

"I don't know…as you've said, I don't have a lot of experience talking about myself. Or my life."

"When I ask you a question, I want you to reflect for a moment and just tell me what you feel. Try and block out the defense mechanism that's generalizing everything and moving it away from yourself."

Bobby looked at her skeptically.

"I don't know if it's a _defense mechanism_ …it's just how I think."

"It can be both," said Dr. Gyson, her voice dripping with an almost maddening level of patience, "and it's part of the point of these sessions to try and help you understand why you think the way you do, and improve upon or change the aspects that are doing you more harm than good."

"And how do you suggest I do that?" His tone was rather condescending and Paula gave him a slightly stern look before answering.

"To start with, when I ask you a question about yourself or someone in your life, I'd like you to answer me directly instead of expressing your immediate gut response, like questioning why I'm asking you. Give me the benefit of the doubt for a moment, and be honest, even if it feels uncomfortable."

"Okay…" Bobby sighed, though he was feeling more resentful and uncooperative than ever.

Paula looked him in the eye.

"I would like you to tell me about your mentor."

His heart dropped into his stomach.

"How did you…?" Bobby began, but stopped short. There was no point in finishing the question, as he knew the answer.

Dr. Gyson was giving him a piercing stare.

"Remember. Don't deflect, just think."

Bobby exhaled hugely and closed his eyes, trying to figure out an appropriate response.

"But don't think too much," she continued. "Express the first thing that comes to mind after your defenses are turned off, no matter how raw or unpolished it may seem."

Bobby looked up at her. He had intended to start at the beginning, to explain their history and Declan's past, to sandwich the terrible things he'd done with anecdotes about all the times he was actually quite a good father figure, but the words that came out of his mouth took him by surprise.

"He…he killed my brother. And Nicole. Actually, he got Nicole to kill my brother, just when I thought I might've finally gotten through to her…and he used her, and then destroyed her." His mouth was moving faster than his brain could censor, and before he knew it, he was saying things he didn't even know he thought. "Jo, his daughter, tried to kill Eames, she tortured her, and I couldn't…she did it to get her dad to _notice_ her and even then…she was telling me I could've gone either way…"

"Either way?"

"Criminal profiler or…or serial killer."

"Do you believe that about yourself?"

Bobby took a moment before responding.

"No. But when people have certain expectations of you, sometimes it's better to try to accept that instead of constantly fighting against it and trying to prove yourself to them."

"You accepted that certain people thought you could go either way? Was there anyone else who said they thought this besides that woman?"

"People…a lot of people assumed I was crazy, that I'd lost my touch, that I was a bomb waiting to go off. Maybe they were right, I don't know…maybe that's why I'm here. But I never thought of myself like that. I never really thought of myself at all." Bobby smiled weakly at the last sentence, knowing Dr. Gyson would appreciate it.

She returned the smile.

"Do you think you've accepted and come to terms with what happened with your mentor? Or do you still feel like you struggle with it? Beyond just being haunted by its horror, of course."

Bobby frowned.

"I don't think it's something you can ever accept. But what can you do? He wanted to free me, and I guess in some twisted way he did. I had less to lose and I didn't care anymore. I tried to disengage and I took risks against my better judgment. Life felt like a chore. I thought maybe it would be best to make a clean break so that people around me – the captain, the department, the other detectives…" he paused for a moment, "and especially Alex – they would stop being tainted by my, you know, burdens."

"So you're saying you acted rashly as a way to get yourself fired?"

"It's not like I _wanted_ to be fired, but I couldn't take it anymore…and I felt like I didn't care what happened to me. That I might as well take myself out so that they could live their lives and do their jobs in peace."

Paula eyed him keenly.

"Those sound like the words of a martyr."

Bobby looked confused.

"A martyr?"

"You thought you were sacrificing yourself for the greater good."

"I don't know if it was that…" Bobby felt uncomfortable. "I just felt like at that point, keeping my life wasn't worth destroying others' lives."

"Mm. I noticed that you've been talking in past tense – something happened to change your mind?"

"I…things didn't go as I thought they would after I left. Alex…she quit after being told to fire me. It should've made me feel worse, but somehow…and then we were both asked a few months ago and everything felt right again. I still don't know why she did it, she could've been captain of the whole department."

Paula looked at him skeptically.

" _Really_? You really don't think you know why she did it?"

"I…what does that mean?"

"If you were in her position and she was in yours, would you have done the same for her?"

Bobby found himself getting frustrated – his voice was rising again.

"Come on, what kind of a question is that?! She would never _be_ in the position I was in, she's never done a damn thing for the department to want to fire her!"

"Robert, you're doing it again," Dr. Gyson warned. "Try to think about what I'm asking you and stop getting caught up in the details. I know it's uncomfortable to think about these kinds of things for you, but if you want to make any progress you have to keep an open mind."

"Sorry," Bobby said humbly and Paula smiled.

"Okay. Let's try this one – is there any possibility that you feel defensive about answering the last question honestly because you would not have done for your partner what she did for you? Try to answer truthfully Robert, I'm not asking this to reprimand you – but I want you to think about what it is that makes this such a difficult topic for you."

After deep sigh, Bobby answered.

"I feel guilty. I feel guilty that Eames quitting made me feel alive again. I feel like I dragged her down with me, when that was the one thing I was always trying to make sure didn't happen."

He paused.

"If I had been asked to fire her, I would've quit without hesitation, because the department would have to be out of their minds to think that was ever a sensible course of action. And my job…it wouldn't be worth doing without her."

"How do you know that she doesn't feel the exact same way? That she quit because she felt it was ridiculous of the department to want to get rid of you, and that her job wouldn't be worth doing without you?"

Bobby was pensive for a while.

"I didn't want to think that," he said quietly. "She's done everything for me and I could never repay her. It's easier to live in ignorance."

"Why do you think you could never repay her? Do you really doubt your own value and worth so much that you believe you haven't, in your own way, sacrificed something similar for her as she has for you?"

"Look…I'm good at my job. I know that, and I've never doubted that regardless of what anyone else thought. But beyond that? I don't know! I didn't want to know, and risk disappointing her. She's like…you know, she's a normal, well-adjusted person who deserves every happiness, and I'm someone who will always be fighting demons. The best gift I could give her was to get away from me."

"Every time you put your partner on a pedestal, you lock yourself in the dungeons. And when you do that, you close yourself off from her, which is not healthy for either of you. Don't mistake her loyalty for guilt – if she didn't feel that you gave her something extremely important and meaningful that she needed in her life she would not have stuck by you. She's not one of your suspects Robert – you can trust her. In fact, to have any hope of a normal life you _have_ to let yourself trust her."

"I _do_ trust her! More than anyone else – I've told you that already."

"Instead of feeling guilt or self-pity and thinking 'I don't know why she stays with me, I'm not worth it', etcetera, you have to accept that she must have a very good reason. You could ask her – even if it's hard, opening the lines of dialogue can only help."

"She doesn't like it when people ask her about stuff like that…if she wants to tell you something, she'll do it in her own time."

"She has her places where she feels comfortable, and you have yours. But if you want to move forward Robert, you have to be willing to go outside of your comfort zone – and hers."

Bobby was struggling to find the loophole in Dr. Gyson's plan.

"Even if I did ask her, she doesn't like to analyze you know, _feelings_ and such…she thinks it's a waste of time."

Paula looked at him sharply.

"You need to stop assuming you know exactly how people will respond to questions you haven't even asked them yet."

That stumped Bobby. He opened his mouth but closed it again, unable to find fault in Dr. Gyson's words.

"Before you come back next week," she continued, "I want you to try and open the lines of dialogue with your partner. Be honest with her about your feelings, even the ones you may be ashamed of. You have nothing to fear Robert – neither of you are used to looking too deeply at yourselves. It might take time, but it's an important first step."

"Okay…" he said, a little unconvincingly. "I mean, I can try…"

"That's all I ask." Paula stood up and escorted Bobby to the door, smiling. "See you next week."

In the hallway, Bobby checked his phone and noticed there was a text from 'Eames cell'.

 _Suspected triple homicide in East Village, suspect at large. Be outside in 10._ He noticed the message was sent fourteen minutes ago, and picked up his pace. He jogged down the stairs and out the door to see the black SUV parked on the street, engine still running. He quickly jumped inside and fastened his seatbelt.

"Ready?" Alex asked.

"Yup," he answered shortly, and she quickly pulled out into the traffic. Aside from Alex occasionally checking in by radio with officers who were following the situation, the two of them were completely silent for the duration of the drive.

Bobby couldn't help but feel that with a massive crime on their hands, 'opening the lines of dialogue' was going to be much harder than he initially anticipated.


	6. Bad People Do Good Things

**Author's Note** : The next chapter is likely the last, but it's not quite done yet so I will post it when I finish it. As always, thank you for reading & reviewing!

 **Disclaimer** : Characters not mine.

* * *

 **Chapter 6**

" **Bad People Do Good Things"**

The following week passed with indecent haste, as Bobby thrust himself completely back into his work. He quickly realized it was impossible for him to focus on his job if he was thinking about anything other than the unsolved crime at hand, and resigned himself to the fact that he was not going to be able to make any headway with Dr. Gyson's request until this was all over. He considered cancelling his appointment but thought ultimately it would be worse if he didn't go. Nevertheless, it was with slight trepidation that he took his usual seat in her office.

"So," she began, "how have things been since our last session?"

"Uh…" Bobby chuckled nervously. "Kind of crazy actually, we've been swept up in a pretty complicated crime this whole week, and it doesn't show any sign of slowing up soon."

"So I take it you haven't made much progress in terms of communication with your partner?"

Bobby was relieved to see she was smiling at him kindly.

She must've noticed his expression because she said, "It's okay, Robert. I understand that work is still the top priority in your life at the moment. There's something else I wanted to talk to you about today anyhow."

"Oh?"

"Last time you mentioned 'Nicole', who had killed your brother and been killed by your mentor. I'm assuming you meant Nicole Wallace – I did a bit of research into your history with her and I think it's something we should discuss."

Bobby swallowed hard, his voice a bit unsteady.

"I figured we'd get there eventually."

"And now we have," Paula said matter-of-factly. "When did you first meet Nicole? What were the circumstances?"

"She…she was pretending to be a professor at Hudson and she ended up killing three people and then ran away before we could catch her. I'd never met someone who was so completely immune to my interrogation techniques before. Even though I wanted to get her for what she'd done, I think I also found her kind of…fascinating. Maybe against my own better judgment."

Bobby was surprised by how easy it was to talk about Nicole – he felt like a poison was being extracted from his body.

"How did your coworkers react to your treatment of her?"

"I don't know if I let that part show…I tried not to at least. They're not…they would never have understood."

"And you continued to cross paths with her as the years went by?"

"Yes, and it was always when she'd, uh…" Bobby paused and took a deep breath, "you know, killed someone. I always tried to get through to her – and then one time I thought maybe it had worked, at least a bit…I didn't hear about her for a long time. Until my brother, uh…" Bobby couldn't continue.

"Can you tell me what happened there?" Paula's voice was soft and kind – he knew she understood how difficult this was for him.

"I found out my mentor – Declan – had tricked Nicole into sleeping with my brother and then pushing him out of his window. He was killed and then…Declan sent me Nicole's heart in a…in a box." It was a bizarre and painful recollection.

If Dr. Gyson was disturbed by this knowledge, she kept it to herself.

"Apart from obviously feeling horrified, what other emotions did this experience invoke? Did you feel sad, or angry, or relieved?"

"I…I was just in disbelief. I didn't want to believe it was true, that it was really her, that she was really…dead."

"Why do you think that is?"

"It was just too…I don't know, _easy_ , I guess. And there was just a bit of me that felt like maybe she really had changed…and even if she hadn't it was like some part of my life, even a if it was bad part – it was just gone. And then of course there was what my mentor told me were her last words." Bobby's hands were shaking as he recalled the memory.

"What were they?"

"He said she told him that…I was the only man she'd ever loved." He let out a rather pained laugh.

"Talk about dropping a bombshell. When did he tell you this?"

"We were, uh, in the interrogation room and he'd told me everything that he'd done, and why he'd done it."

"How did that make you feel?"

"I don't know…worse."

"Do you think it's possible that some part of you – not the part that's a detective, nor the part that longs for normalcy – but that _some part_ of you really did love Nicole and was upset to see her gone?"

Bobby's heart was beating faster than ever, his palms were sweating and his mind was racing. What Dr. Gyson had just proposed was a rather horrifying thought – but he was the first person to admit that just because a thought was horrifying did not mean it wasn't true.

"I…I don't know. I guess we all have parts of us that can love and be loved, and parts that can hate and be hated. People…people are not their actions."

Paula smiled.

"Wise words. Good people can do bad things and bad people can do good things. You've come a long way these past couple months." She paused for a moment. "Do you think you've applied that philosophy to yourself? Do you believe you are not your actions?"

"I…I'm starting to," Bobby admitted, a little sheepishly. "It's hard, when your job relies so heavily on what you do and not who you are."

"You've had to do things that don't reflect what you believe."

"Well, like everyone, I try to avoid it, but sometimes it's just part of being a detective." Bobby suddenly felt bold. "I was wondering if I could tell you about an, um, dream I had a couple of weeks ago. More of a nightmare, I guess."

"Of course," Paula said, looking interested.

"Uh, well…" he faltered, his momentary burst of confidence fading. "Basically, I was talking to you but you were turning into Nicole, and uh, I think we were talking about my brother, and mentor."

"Okay," she said, "I think I'm going to need more detail than that to help you gain any insight."

He hesitated.

"Come on Robert, I can tell you remember."

Bobby didn't know how he was supposed to be more expansive without outing his real father, a thought that was both compelling and repulsive. It was the last of his big secrets, and telling Dr. Gyson would mean there was someone other than Alex who knew almost everything about him. Bobby sighed. He really wished this was not a story he had to tell, but he also knew that unless he was completely honest there was really no point in continuing with counseling.

"My father," he said abruptly, "was not…I told you about him but uh, he wasn't my…biological father. My brother was my half-brother."

"I see…" Paula's expression rested somewhere between surprise and concentration. "And do you know who your biological father is?"

"Well, for years I didn't know my dad wasn't…my dad. But um, about four years ago a man reached out to me from, uh, prison and I didn't know he was, well, who he was. But I found out."

"And who was this man? Or should I say who _is_ he? Is he still living?"

"Uh no, he was, um," Bobby cleared his throat and mumbled, as though incoherence would make the name less terrible. "Mark…Mark Ford Brady."

This time, Dr. Gyson couldn't hide her shock.

"You mean…the serial killer?" It wasn't like she didn't know the answer, but these were the kinds of things even psychologists made sure to ask.

"Yes." Bobby wasn't looking at her. His voice was strained.

Paula didn't respond right away, and he supposed she was taking a minute to gather her thoughts. What are you supposed to say when your patient's just told you his father is an infamous rapist and murderer?

"Who else knows?" Her voice was just above a whisper; as though she was afraid people would somehow hear if she spoke any louder.

"I, uh…well, my mom knew. She said she never knew for sure but I think she was just…trying to make me feel better. My brother didn't know. Eames knows. My old captain knew, and um, the ME – Rodgers. She did the test."

"The paternity test?"

"Yeah and um, I guess Declan knew." Bobby was rubbing his temples. "Maybe he told Nicole, I don't know."

Paula was looking at him as though she'd never quite seen him properly before. He wished she'd stop as he found it rather unsettling.

"So what was your dream?"

Bobby looked up, surprised at the sudden switch in topic.

"I uh…I dreamed I was telling you about my real father. And you were turning into Nicole. But he was turning into Declan and I think he was standing over Captain Ross' you know, uh, body telling me I was free now, but his body became my brother's and I was at my mother's gravestone but it wasn't hers it was uh," his stomach did a backflip, "Eames'." He felt a thrill of fear course through him as he said those words aloud.

"You say I was turning into Nicole, your father was turning into your mentor, your captain was turning into your brother and your mother was turning into your partner. What do _you_ think it means?"

"I've already analyzed it…I was hoping you could tell me what you think."

Paula smiled.

"Here's what I see. You've experienced a lot of pain and betrayal. Some of the comparisons your subconscious mind made were legitimate. Your mentor was a father figure to you. Your brother and your captain both experienced brutal, untimely deaths. Then you compare your partner, the person who means the most to you in this whole world, to your mother, who also meant the most to you, and fear she'll meet the same fate. You have a hard time separating the realities of the past from unfounded speculations about the future. And it's completely understandable – when you've gone through things that are beyond what your mind is capable of accepting, anxiety comes in and tells you nothing is impossible or off limits."

"That…yeah. That makes sense." Bobby suddenly remembered something. "When I was with Declan in the interrogation room, he asked me if Eames reminded me of my mom. Or Nicole."

"What did you make of that?" Paula was peering at him keenly.

"I…I don't know. Then he said that what made my mom and Nicole captivating was their unpredictability."

"Do you see any similarities between your partner and your mother?"

"I guess they're both stubborn…but beyond that? Not really. Alex is…always has been…very reliable. My mom, uh, not so much. It wasn't her fault you know, but still."

"And Nicole Wallace? Do you see similarities between her and your partner or mother?"

"Uh…I don't know why Declan said that."

"Well how about between me and Nicole Wallace?" Bobby stared at her.

"What? No…"

"You said that in your dream, I turned into her. She was someone you let into your life and it backfired. I think you're afraid that if you tell me your secrets and let me see your vulnerabilities I'll turn around and use them against you. You mistrust me, because people you've trusted in the past have given you reason to be wary." Dr. Gyson was looking at him as though she was expecting to confirm what she'd just said.

"I…I do, or did at least, have misgivings. It's hard for me to trust people unless I know exactly who they are and where they stand. Which is something that's hard to know about people."

"And that's one of the reasons you've found it so hard to have meaningful relationships with more than a couple of people. But if you want to move forward, you have to accept that life is a little bit of a gamble. You can't avoid getting close to people because you fear they'll hurt you or you'll hurt them. Happiness requires taking risks."

Bobby sighed deeply as Dr. Gyson walked him to the door. He turned to face her.

"I'll try to talk to Alex this week about…well, you know. It's just hard to find time."

"Then you have to make the time. Remember what I said – if you want to your life and your relationship with her to progress you'll have to do some things that might be outside of your routine and comfort zone. It's the only way forward."

Bobby nodded as he closed the door behind him, resolving to take her words to heart.


	7. That Kind of Partner

**Author's Note** : I finally got some inspiration and finished the last chapter! I don't know if it's worth the wait (probably not lol) but I'm glad that the story is finally complete. I appreciate each and every review you've all left. Hope you enjoy.

 **Disclaimer** : Characters not mine. Also I don't actually speak French so any errors on that front you can blame on Google Translate lying to me.

* * *

 **Chapter 7**

" **That Kind of Partner"**

Bobby found that even asking Alex if they could have a talk later was much more difficult than he had anticipated. Every time there was an opportunity, his mouth went dry and his mind went blank. What if he can't tell her what he needs to? What if he drives away the only person he trusts? What is it that he even feels? And what if she doesn't feel the same?

Before he knew it, the day before his next appointment with Dr. Gyson had arrived and time was running out.

 _This is stupid_ , he thought to himself. _No more excuses_. He saw Alex walking towards him from the captain's office.

"I'm going to get lunch, want to come?" she asked, grabbing her wallet from her desk.

"Will you have dinner with me?" Bobby blurted out suddenly. Alex stopped in her tracks.

" _What?_ "

"No – sorry – I just meant, uh, there's something I want to talk to you about, but, uh, not here…could we have dinner? Tonight?"

"Tonight," she echoed.

"Yeah. At – at eight. _La Sirène_?"

"Wow, fancy. I hope you're paying."

"Oh, well yeah…I mean, of course. Sure."

"Well in that case, I'm in."

"Oh good. That's…that's great," Bobby said, still flustered.

Alex smiled and shook her head.

"So…lunch? You coming?"

"Oh, right – of…of course. Let's get lunch," said Bobby, breathing a sigh of relief.

* * *

They both walked up to _La Sirène_ at exactly 8:02pm.

"Wow, good timing," Alex said, and Bobby laughed.

"You too. Shall we?"

They walked through the door into a dim reception area lit only by ornate chandeliers and flickering tapers. In the background, a woman's voice crooned softly in French.

As they approached the hostess stand, Alex noticed Bobby had his hands in his pockets and was rocking back and forth on his feet nervously. As she was about to ask him what was wrong, a voice interrupted her.

"Welcome to _La Sirène_ ," said a cheerful looking woman somewhere near the border of thirty. "For two?"

"Yes," Bobby answered, his eyes wandering wildly around the room, as if it would be dangerous for them to settle in one place for too long.

The hostess frowned in concentration at the computer in front of her, then looked up at them and smiled.

"You're in luck, our best table's just opened up – someone canceled their reservation," she said as she ushered them through the winding aisles and dim lighting. "It's by far our most requested – cozy and romantic…"

Alex tried to catch Bobby's eye but he was staring firmly at his shoes. The woman kept talking.

"I'm Lacey, by the way," she said. "You are…?"

"Uh, I'm Alex, this is Bobby."

"Well Alex and Bobby, I'm so glad you chose to join us tonight for dinner! Are you two celebrating anything special? Wedding anniversary?"

"Oh, no. We're just partners," Alex replied.

"Oh, that's cool," said the hostess enthusiastically, and Alex briefly wondered if she ever stopped smiling. "You know my boyfriend and I make sure to have a date night every Saturday, just for fun. Keeps the relationship fresh."

"No, uh...not that kind of partner," Alex clarified, shooting Bobby (who seemed to be fascinated by a spot on the floor) an irritated look. She had a feeling he was avoiding her gaze on purpose.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm so embarrassed!" Lacey exclaimed, though she didn't look it. "You know what they say, never assume because…well, you know!"

Alex raised her eyebrows and pursed her lips in acknowledgement but didn't say anything.

"Anyway, here's your table, your waiter will be with you shortly. Can I get you any drinks to start?"

"A bottle of Merlot, please," Bobby said readily. Turning to Alex he added, "Is that alright?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, _now_ you have something to say."

There was an uncomfortable pause as the hostess looked wildly back and forth between the detectives.

"I'm so sorry, did I say something?"

"Oh no, you're fine," Alex replied as Bobby stared back at the floor with a barely contained grin.

"Wonderful!" she exclaimed cheerfully, the sarcasm flying right over her head. "I'll bring you your wine right away."

"Thank you," Bobby said as they took their seats.

Alex shook her head wearily as they watched the hostess walk away. She looked up to see Bobby smiling.

"What?" she asked suspiciously.

"You know ordinary people can't handle your level of wit. It's cruel."

"Oh _whatever_ ," said Alex, opening the menu in front of her as Bobby followed suit. "People that chipper deserve to be mocked."

Bobby laughed and looked up at her, paused for a moment and then spoke.

"Hey…how many times do you think you've had to do that?"

"Do what?" Alex asked, confused.

"When people assume, you know, that we're…well…and then having to explain that…"

"That you're not _that_ kind of partner?" Alex smiled, catching on.

"Yeah."

"God, I've lost count."

Bobby chuckled and then paused again, trying to work up the nerve to continue with this line of conversation. Just as he was about to speak, a waiter came to their table carrying a bottle of Merlot.

"Bonjour monsieur, bonjour madame, my name is Clément and I will be your server this evening," he said in a thick French accent, placing two glasses on the table and pouring the wine into them. "Is there anything else I can get you now?"

"Uh, no, I think we're good," said Alex.

"Magnifique! I will give you a few minutes to decide on your order."

"Merci beaucoup, that would be great," Bobby said as Clément turned and walked away.

Alex went back to studying her menu, and Bobby sat still for a moment, trying to find the right angle to approach the subject.

"You know years ago, when my brother first saw you he thought that you were, uh…and he told my mom that…well, that's why she said she wanted to meet you." He raised his glass to his lips, as though attempting to hide a sudden wave of self-consciousness.

"Huh?" Alex said, still distracted by the salad section.

Bobby put down the wine and took a deep breath.

"He thought you were my wife."

Alex looked up in confusion, brow furrowed. Bobby continued,

"Well wife, then partner – or girlfriend, whatever. That's what he told my mom. That's why she wanted to meet you."

Alex's eyes shifted slowly upwards as she tried to make heads or tails of Bobby's rambling.

"What are you saying?" she asked, her tone teetering between concern and impatience.

Bobby paused momentarily, about to answer, but exhaled in defeat.

"I…I don't know. Never mind," he said, chuckling uncomfortably and breaking his gaze.

Alex rolled her eyes and picked up her wine glass, bringing it to her lips.

They sat in silence for a few heavy moments as Bobby tried to recover the nerve he'd lost. It reappeared without warning.

"Have you ever thought I could be…you know… _that_ kind of partner?" Even though he was blushing furiously, Bobby forced himself to maintain eye contact.

Alex froze mid-sip, surprised by his sudden candor.

"Are you asking me…?" she began.

"I'm not asking. I'm just… _wondering_."

"Oh," said Alex simply, as though that had clarified anything. "You mean did I ever wish that…?" Her voice trailed off.

"Wish, or just…imagine if, you know. Logan said you must've," he added suddenly, as though throwing the blame for this line of questioning onto their former colleague would make it less uncomfortable.

"Logan?" repeated Alex, puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"I talked to him a few weeks ago. And he said…well, you know how he is."

"I do…" Alex began slowly as she felt color rise to her cheeks. "But just because he can't fathom not being attracted to every woman he meets doesn't mean we're all…" she exhaled slowly and shook her head.

There was a pregnant pause in the conversation, and they both drank deeply from their glasses of wine. Alex seemed to recover first – she sighed and looked up at her partner.

"I don't know, Bobby. I haven't really thought about it. We're just…I don't know, we're _us_."

Bobby nodded.

"That's fair. Yeah, I, that's…" Bobby raised his goblet to his lips and drained it, struggling to resist the overwhelming instinct to run away.

"Even if I had thought…" Alex began. "It never would've worked. We were just too…broken."

"But now?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Now?" Alex repeated, even more softly.

"Things have changed in the past couple of months, don't you think? Since we've come back?"

"It is different," Alex agreed. "You seem happier."

"I am happier. Because of Dr. Gyson, you know. She made me realize a lot of things about myself and my life."

"I'm glad. _Really_ ," Alex said, smiling at him.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot."

"Do you think it's weird I've always called you 'Eames'? I mean, when you've called me 'Bobby'…"

Alex raised her eyebrows.

"I…don't know. I mean, people have told me it's weird, but I never gave it much thought." She paused for a moment and then continued. "Nichols said something once…and Deakins had a whole theory worked out."

"I'll bet he did," Bobby said, chuckling.

They both fell silent.

"So, did _you_ ever wonder about it?" Alex asked.

"Wonder about what?"

"What you said before," said Alex, her face growing warm. "If I could ever be, you know, _that_ kind of partner."

"I, uh…no," Bobby said bluntly.

"Oh," Alex replied, taken aback. She took another sip of wine and examined her fingernails intensely.

Bobby leaned forward and sighed.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that to sound like…" he trailed off for a moment, searching for the right words. "People…people have told me that it's strange. That it's normal for people in our situation to question whether they…well, you know. But I never did. I never asked myself whether I thought you were…or if we were…do you think that's weird?"

Alex frowned slightly and shrugged her shoulders.

"Uh, I guess I don't know."

"For eleven years, I never thought about it. Or at least I never thought about whether I thought about it. But now…" Bobby took a deep breath. "I realized…I've been thinking about it."

Alex felt a surge of electricity pulse through her body. She lowered her wine glass slowly and set it on the table.

"Okay," was all she could manage.

Their eyes locked onto each other for a few intense moments and Alex felt like some sort of emotional safe inside of her had been unlocked. Her mind was numb and body was trembling, but she couldn't look away.

"Are you ready to order?" came a voice from far away, as though calling from the other end of a long tunnel.

Bobby broke his gaze first.

"I…uh, yes, I mean I am…Al-, uh, are you ready?"

"Uh yes, I am." She looked up at the waiter and gave a smile that was more of a grimace.

Alex was barely aware of what she was ordering – she couldn't seem to hear the words being said around her over the ringing in her ears and the pounding in her chest.

 _What is happening? What just happened?_

Slowly, her mind stopped reeling and she found her bearings – the waiter seemed to be long gone and she looked straight ahead to meet Bobby's eyes. His expression was earnest, but not intense. He was inviting her back into the conversation, but he wasn't going to make the first move. He was giving her an out, if she wanted to take it. She knew that at this moment, if she chose to change the subject to the weather or the menu or any other bland pleasantry, he wouldn't resist and their brief moment of electricity would fade into the past, left to be forgotten as just another unfulfilled memory.

For some reason, this simple acknowledgement stirred up more feelings inside of her than anything else that had been said this night. Alex swallowed the lump in her throat and with damp, stinging eyes, gazed directly up at Bobby. He was beaming.

Her lip trembled, and she couldn't tell if she was about to cry or laugh.

"Do you, uh…do you want to get out of here?" he asked tentatively. "Maybe…maybe take a walk?"

"Uh, yeah," she nodded, letting out a small laugh of relief. "That sounds good."

Her lips broke into a grin, matching his. They stayed like this for a moment, locked in a gaze, in a smile, soaking in each other's presence.

"Uh, shall we?" asked Bobby, finally shattering the silence.

Grabbing her purse, Alex scooted out of the booth, stood up and waited for him to pay for the wine and their uneaten meal.

"After you," he said, gesturing towards to door.

Walking towards the front, they passed the hostess who seated them.

"Oh no, are you guys leaving?" she asked, sounding heartbroken at the possibility. "Is something wrong? Did something happen?"

Alex opened her mouth to answer but Bobby was one step ahead.

"No, no, nothing happened, nothing's wrong. Everything was wonderful," he said in a soothing tone. The hostess didn't look convinced.

"It's Lacey, right? Uh, here," Bobby said, pulling out his wallet and handing her a fifty. "For your date Saturday night. Take him somewhere nice."

Lacey looked dumbfounded as Alex and Bobby walked towards the door.

"Thanks," she called out rather quietly, after the door had already shut behind them.

* * *

The air outside was thick and muggy even though it was nearly nine o'clock.

"That was nice of you," Alex said, turning to face Bobby.

"Yeah, well," he chuckled, sentence trailing off.

There was a tense pause, as a night full of possibilities stretched out in front of them.

"So…where are we going?" asked Alex, breaking the momentary silence.

"Uh…I thought maybe – do you want to go back to my place?"

Alex looked shocked.

"I…"

"No, I didn't mean – sorry." Bobby laughed nervously. "I just meant…uh, we didn't get to eat here, and I have some food I could make us – if…if you want."

"Oh," Alex paused, thinking for a moment. "Um…yeah, sure. That, that sounds nice." She looked up at him and smiled.

"Good," he said, meeting her gaze.

"But I'm driving."

"Of course," said Bobby.

They both laughed as she led him to her car.

* * *

 **The End.**


End file.
